~ Doesn't she get lonely?
Well yes, sometimes. But even children who have siblings experience loneliness. Let's say I have a 9 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. Do you think they hang out every afternoon after school? No, I can assure you that they do not. They don't play together, they don't hang out, they don't share clothes, they don't talk late into the nights. Having a sibling is not a guaranteed best friend, especially if they're of the opposite sex. So even those with siblings may have days of feeling lonely and wishing they had someone to play with. But she does have plenty of friends that she plays with and invites over when we have the opportunity. They actually enjoy each other's company for hours on end. Problem solved. The other times in life when she's lonely, we (gasp!) play with her ourselves! Imagine that..... I actually like hanging out with her. She's a pretty cool kid. Call me crazy, but I don't think having a second child just for the "built-in playmate" aspect is a very good reason to have a second child......
~ Aren't you worried about her being alone when you're old?
I guess it's a possibility that she'll turn out to be a crazy cat lady. But I hope that she grows up, gets married, and has a family of her own. I have siblings, but my daily life doesn't revolve around them. It revolves around my own family now. And hers will too one day. When the sad day arrives for her to deal with our deaths, I pray that she will have a husband and child(ren) to help her through her grief. I'm sure you wish the same for your children as well, regardless of how many siblings they have. She also has a whole slew of cousins who will be there for her. And I've seen adult "children" fuss and argue over what to do/how to do it when it comes to the death of parents. It's not pretty. Now she'll just get to decide what she wants to do with our stuff without argument from anyone.
~ Does she not want a sibling?
Well, first- she doesn't really know the difference. Second -most parents with multiple children constantly talk about how their children are always fussing and arguing with each other. They beg for moments of peace between siblings. They document the "rare moments" with photographs and Facebook posts when they're caught being nice to each other. They talk about how different they are and how they don't enjoy doing the same things. They grumble about the whining and tattling about who hit who, and he's in my room, and she took the last cookie, and he burped in my face, and she called me stupid...... Why the heck would I want any part of that madness?!? And she's pretty observant. She knows that siblings fight most of the time, so why would she ask for any of that misery either?
~ Don't you worry about her being spoiled?
Spoiled does not come from the amount of children in a family - spoiled comes from parents who have no backbone and have no clue how to say NO. If you've ever met me then you know I'm not the pushover mommy who just gives in to whatever she wants. I'm actually quite the opposite. Spoiled children come from bad parenting, not from lack of a sibling. You have to teach your children gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation for what they have. And we do that. She does have the benefit of getting to go places and seeing things that some kids don't get to do in their childhood. But that's all part of the plan, folks. Being able to travel and let her experience different places, people, and cultures is a bonus to being a Singleton. Well-traveled, yes. Spoiled, no.
And then there are the completely annoying assumptions that people make about having an only child.
~ Successes of an Only Child~
Those moments when I share an accomplishment or success of my only child, and it's met with "well she's an only child, so....." SO?!?! So I chose to have an only child so that I can devote more time to her - does that somehow diminish her accomplishment? Do you expect less of your children because you have more than one? Probably not. Having only one child does not somehow make her magically smarter or more capable than anyone else. She works hard and tries her best and when she succeeds in some way, it's worth celebrating. Period.
~Having an only child is Selfish ~
Apparently, I've made this decision because I value my own time over my time with her. This one makes me laugh for 2 reasons. A. When you become a parent, it doesn't go away. It never stops; whether it's 1 or 5, you're always a parent. Every hour of every day. Every week of every year. You still have another human being counting on you. B. Who decided how many children you were going to have? I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing YOU! That's a decision you made because you WANTED more children - that is the definition of selfish. Doing something because YOU want it for yourSELF. You didn't have more children for anyone but YOU. (Or at least I hope you didn't!) So choosing to have one is no more selfish than choosing to have more.
~Having only one child is No Big Deal!~
This one ruffles my feathers. While there is only one of her, I still have to raise her. I still have to argue with her over clothes and cleaning her room and eating her vegetables and all the typical kid stuff. I still have to calm her fears, answer her questions, teacher her right from wrong, and worry about her future. So I have just as many stresses and fears and worries and questions as you do - I just have to get it right on the first try! Talk about pressure...... There's the occasional bitter sweet moment when I think "aww I'll never get to do this again." But there are plenty of other moments when I praise God because "I'll never have to do this again!"
It has it's ups and downs, but the bottom line is this: having an only child is what fit for our family. After she came along, we never really wanted to have another one. Every time I thought about it, I just didn't feel the need. She was enough. She is enough. She completed our family just perfectly........ any more questions?
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