Another year older.....

So this is the month of birthdays for my little family. My birthday is March 27, Caroline is April 7th, Scott (Robert's brother) is April 13th, and Robert is April 22. Whew! So within 4 weeks, we have 4 birthdays. We celebrated Caroline's 3rd birthday today with a party at our house. She got a new wooden playset/swingset monstrosity as her gift from us and her grandparents. We had her little "princess" friends (and Manning) over for some backyard fun and they all had a great time. She was really sweet opening her presents, but got a little teased when we sang happy birthday. She sat in her chair very sweetly while we sang, and right at the last note she burst into tears.... pretty funny. But it only lasted about 10 seconds and then we blew out the candle and moved on to eating, which she likes. So it was a great day. She got lots of wonderful gifts from her friends and family and she was excited. Before bed tonight she said "Thank you for my great party Mommy. Can we have another one tomorrow?" Ha! So thank you to everyone who was there for her big day - she had a great time! After the party guests left, just our family stayed for a BBQ. We have finally gotten our back porch the way we want it (mostly). Before this weekend, we literally had a dryer (yes, a clothes dryer), a Bowflex, cardboard playset boxes, a tile cutter, plastic Lowe's buckets, and a pile of random fish tank parts sitting on our back porch. Can you say "Sanford and Son?" Yikes. But Robert hung cafe lights along the length of the porch, and we got our couch glider fitted with cushions. Then we did a little rearranging, and voila! With all that crap now hiding in the shed, it's a patio paradise.
But back to getting older..... man, it sucks. I just turned 30......! It really didn't seem like a big deal when it happened, but the more I think about it, the more I'm just a little distressed. I still feel like I'm in college most days. Not in the literal sense, but more in the sense that I'm still so young and my whole life is ahead of me. Those of you reading this who are 50 or 60 would probably say "You do!" But really my life is almost halfway over. When I think about how fast these 30 years have seemed to fly by, I fear that the rest of my life will do the same and I'll be at the end and say "how did I get here so fast?" I don't want this to be over. That makes me sad. And I don't fear the death itself, but more the fact that I don't want to leave my family behind. Think about my grandmother. My sweet Mamaw. Here she has raised a daughter and a son, both married, who have given her 5 grandchildren, who have in turn given her 9 great-grandchildren. That's 16 "children" that she can call her own. Now look at the child/children you have and imagine leaving them behind. That's impossible for me, so I can only imagine how she feels knowing that when she dies, she'll be leaving 16 behind. Yes, I know "we'll meet again" and I do believe that, but geez. It's just mind-boggling to me. Kind of like trying to imagine how big the universe is..... don't even try - it hurts. But really - thinking about leaving behind your loved ones is sad to me. I hope I live to be really freakin' old, but then again it seems like the longer you live, the more you leave behind. However - Yesterday I was swinging with Caroline. Before this new playset she was TERRIFIED to swing. Always has been. But these are really low to the ground and she has decided that she loves it, which I'm happy about. She has figured out how to use her toes and push herself back so she swings by herself, and she's super proud. So we were swinging (separately) and I told her how proud I was of her for being a big girl and learning to swing. She was quiet for a minute and then she said in the sweetest, most grateful voice, "Mommy, I'm so happy to be 3." And I almost cried. I generally cry about stupid stuff these days, but it made me stop and think that we should all feel that way about our birthdays. Instead of griping for whatever reason about being another year older, we should be grateful that God has given us another year to be on this earth with our loved ones. He could take us away at any given moment, whenever He's ready, yet he hasn't. He could give us so many more aches and pains, trials and burdens, than we have, yet he hasn't. So I'm choosing to be grateful. I'm learning from my 3 year old, and I'm choosing to say "I'm so happy to be 30!"